Rise up behind your eyes, and take wild control

Glory days ahoy! Now for the most part I'm bitter towards society (no shit, eh?) and all the stupid shit I see happen. But whoa, here I go ranting into the present (or only slight-past) of personal experience! Let me tell you, after the day I had, it took everything in me to not to boil over (and I swear, it almost worked).

I tried, I swear. But Wednesday, March 22nd, was just a nonstop nadslapping. Apart from the usual beaucracy of my second job scheduling me on an unavailable day (for the 5 billionth time, after I've told them fourty times I'm NOT AVAILABLE ON THAT DAY), I ended up getting double shifted at my first job, and then at night, for my second. Whatever, I agreed because I'm broke.

My first job goes relatively smooth - as usual, I don't do much of anything for the four hours I'm here. I go home, to find out there's no sauce for my spaghetti. So I improvised and made spaghetti with medium salsa instead of sauce, which actually turned out to be quite delicious (try it sometime with sliced onions). I head off to work after - I borrow my dad's Jeep since I'll be working into the morning and the buses around here suck. I go to work - there's some massive pile 'o suits convention going on.. something like 1500 people. For the first bit I do nothing, my boss (one of them) steals the three of us 50 dollar dinners and we hide away and eat it. Sounds sweet, right? Yeah, it all goes horrifyingly downhill from there.

I'm asked to stay past my end time. I agree (money purposes, again), which results in me working twice as long as I was supposed to. But.. BUT.. I'm getting ahead of myself.

Around 10PM or so, the dinner is over but we have to wait for the suits to clear out. My other boss tells the three of us to just hang around and wait. So we go to the bar to make sure nobody's stealing booze and to wait for people to leave. We're there for about 15 minutes, tops. Eventually Boss #2 comes over and tells us to help out downstairs with Boss #1 and all the other staff until we're needed back up here.

We go down there, and in the back hallway, Boss #1 finds the three of us. He asks (loudly): "where the hell have you three been?"
Me: "We were up in the ballroom."
Boss #1: "What the hell were you doing there?"
Me: "Waiting for the guests to clear out."
Boss #1: You were gone for 30 fucking minutes!" (wrong assumption #1)
Me: "No we weren't."
Boss #1: "Yes you fucking were!!!"

At this point I just stop trying to tell him that he's wrong cause it's pointless (hooray for being on the bottom rung of a corporation and not having a voice!). I just sucked up all the yelling on behalf of the three of us, and was informed that we'd taken our lunch by doing what we were told by Boss #2.

Apparently. So okay whatever, I just start working (ironically, not even 5 minutes later we were in the ballroom again. Wow.) and get on with life, eventually getting the opportunity to explain to Boss #1 what really happened. That fire was put out, huzzah. I got my lunch back.

But then Boss #1 tells me and another of the workers to vaccuum - course, the previous shit is still in the way but I start vaccuuming.

Enter Boss #3. (Yeah that's right, 3 bosses on one night! woo.) I was on a break, and heading up to the break room. But in the hallway, they have all the uneaten (complete) deserts. I ask Boss #2 if I can grab one, he says that he didn't say yes but yes. I mean, I still don't get the big deal about eating food they're going to THROW OUT, but whatever. I grab a plate, and go towards the elevator. Boss #3 sees me with the plate.

Boss #3: "What are you doing with that?"
Me: "I'm on break."
Boss #3: "You can't take that and eat it!"
Me: "I can't eat food you're going to throw out?"
Boss #3: "No!"

I'll spare the rest of the details, but after a brief argument about why I don't like wasting food and how it's retarded to stop me from eating food that she's just going to THROW IN THE GARBAGE (have I made that point clear?), I get the plate. I go up and eat it (delicious! Free food always tastes better, despite my rising bitterness towards the situation). I go back downstairs and finish vaccuuming, but not before the other staff start setting up shit for the next dinner, convienently stopping me from vaccuuming certain floor.

Enter Boss #3.. again. "You missed a spot."
Me: "Where?"
Boss #3: "You didn't vaccuum here, here, here.."
Me: "They put the tables down before I could vaccuum there."
Boss #3: "Get the small vaccuum and fix your mistake!!!"

Now a table doesn't seem like a big deal, but these things are lined up specifically, and I'd actually get in bigger shit if I moved them. So now I've been yelled at three times, all for things I never did wrong.

I vaccuumed between the tables with the small vaccuum and got that done with.

2 hours passed... and enter Boss #3... one last time. "You missed a spot!"
Me: "Where?"
Boss #3: "In the corner!"
Me: "Okay, the cord doesn't reach that far and the extension cables are being used by other things."
Boss #3: "Don't give me excuses, just go do it!"

Joy. I got told off for not doing something I absolutely COULDN'T do anyway, and despite my explaining I still got yelled at.

So after vaccuuming the friggin football field sized carpet for a third time, my night ends... around 4:30AM.

I head down to the parking garage to my dad's Jeep. I'm pissed enough as it is, but I just think that at least I took home about 120 bucks today between my two jobs.

I get in my Jeep and get ready to reverse out - but another parked van is jutting out too far, so to not hit it, I turn to the left and back up... nicely into a pillar, breaking part of the bumper off, denting the frame over the back tire, and smashing the protective cover over the left taillight.... all in a 5MPH collision.

From money earned, to money in debt. I'm pretty much fuming by now, and luckily nobody else is around for my brigade of swearing that echoes. I clean up the pieces and throw them in the Jeep, test to see if the blinkers still work... which they don't. But the alignment is fine, so it's still driveable assuming I can get home without a cop seeing it and ticketing me. Oh, and did I mention that I had a class at 8:30 AM? Moving on..

I get back in the Jeep, and just flipped out, in a fury that only comes upon my life once every few years (mostly I just let it roll off my back, but come ON.. would you keep it together after all that?), punching the shit out of everything I could and swearing my face off.

Eventually I calm down (with help of some Bloc Party tunes, which pretty much kept me from driving myself into a ravine.

What a perfect end to a perfect day. I got home (after getting lucky with a cop.. he DEFINITELY saw me AND the broken taillight, but decided that it wasn't worth destroying whatever sanity was left in me - thank you, anonymous officer of the law) around 5AM, and went to bed, giving the world a gigantic fuck you. Oh, and I missed class after all that (like it matters).

So my dad's ready to murder me when he gets home and sees the damage (which he knows about, since I called him), so if this is my last post, at least know I died doing what I love best - getting murdered over an-under-10MPH-collison-with-an-immobile-object.

-Mark

(Last song was The Futureheads - Man Ray)