Love/Hate Relationship with Computers

Every internet-sauvy (not annoying jackasses that use "leet") person that has had their computer forever, and update the hell out of it instead of just buying a new one because they love their computer, also, by nature, hates their computer. I am one of these people.

After 3 days of my internet repeatedly killing the connection for no reason, I finally caved and ran a VirusScan, which picked up some Trojan Dropper (since deleted). That explained why I'd lost 6 gigs unexplainedly, but not why my internet kept dropping, especially since I was on a router with 5 other people who were connected fine.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my compy with all my heart (my one true love), but you even get mad at loved ones from time to time. And when I'm angry at "Sexlexia" (the name of my computer on the local area network), I get aggressive. And yesterday was the epitome of that. When it froze, which it does from time to time due to overheating, I cursed and restarted (hard boot) it. Well while loading up ME (yeah, yeah, shut up), it froze once again. This is when the "hate" part of the relationship reached it's peak. After sending a hard karate-punch (I know karate, making my computer a good punching bag sometimes) to the sideboard of the case, my computer rocked on it's axis, sputtering, but didn't unfreeze. I was called out of the room, which I left, but halfway down the hallway I turned around, and came back to deck my computer once more - I was that pissed off that I actually couldn't let go a petty 2X freeze on my computer that I came back to "finish the fight off". Sad, huh?

But anyways, Sexlexia got the message and ran well until. . . that night. After still dropping my connection (making conversations annoyingly hard to have), I seemed to clean it up, apologizing to it by cleaning the dust out of the inside and telling it how much I loved it.

And it repaid me by freezing. . . again. Once again, after all I had done for it, I lost my temper and took a swing at the front of the case. And finally, some results! After cracking the case's front (not in any crucial area) Sexlexia has got the point and started to work again. It dropped my internet connection a few times, but a restart seems to have solved that. I've been meaning to actually format the computer (for the last 2 years), but I'm back to loving it again. And I bought it a new graphics card a few months ago, which has gone over nicely (I'm not a gamer, but a video-editor) with it. Now I will spend the next few days apologizing and cleaning the dust away from my child before it, much like a two year old, requires some discipline.

Yes, I have issues. But I've never hit a person (not out of anger - but in sparring matches I have), so Sexlexia doubles as my anger management device. And the poor keyboard! This little guy takes a beating, as I have routinely pouded my fist on it when Sexlexia gives me trouble. And my mousey gets tossed around occasionally, but it's ALWAYS Sexlexia that is the instigator. The only thing that has escaped by wrath is the monitor, which has never been problematic. Plus I'm pretty sure I'd get electrocuted if I punched through the screen. My speakers have only been a second-hand punishment, hit by flying mousey or headphones of malice.

But computers are like people - or at least Sexlexia is. How can something that gives you so much pleasure create so much pain? And don't get me started about Printer (or "My Kryptonite"). Every single one I've ever had has had a hate-hate-"why the fuck don't you just fucking print you fucking piece of fucking shit" relationship. Reminds me of an office space quote: "Why does it say there is a paper jam when there is no paper jam?"

Sorry. Just had to rant. I love Sexlexia, while also hating it. And I'm sure I'm not the only person that has this kind of relationship with their computer. Do share (if anyone ever reads this).

-Mark