Stealth: The Movie That Should Be Tossed into a Volanco

I recently sat down and subjected myself to 2 hours of visual torture - I watched Stealth.

Don't get me wrong - this COULD have been a good movie. Instead, for the first ten minutes we are greeted by ongoing explosions. Anyone with half a brain knew what we were in store for by the time the three pilots landed back on the ship. But it gets even better: We meet the characters, who are as predictable and stereotypical as ever: A black pilot named Henry Purcell (played by Jamiee Foxx) that listens to his "old-school" culture music while mixing in rap culture and of course: He's a womanizer. The other male pilot, Lt. Ben Gannon (Josh Lucas) is your tpyical "plays by his own rules" character, who takes idiotic risks and blatantly ignores his Captain's orders more than once. He's also a womanizer, because we wouldn't want originality in these characters. But there's a saving grace of predictability! If it's a team of three, and we've got a male minority, and a chauvinist male squadron leader. . . we need a female! But not just any female - she's got to be the stable, bookworm type that never does anything against regulation and never steps out of line. This character is named Kara Wade (Jessica Biel).

Of course, the audience is told the "plot": There's a new crewmember, but it's an experimental AI. Only Ben raises an objection to this, saying that war shouldn't be mechanical - the only thing I agreed with him on in the whole movie. Regardless, on the first flyout with "Eddie" the Robot pilot, they get put on an emergency mission to bomb a terrorist building.

All goes well, and then on the way back, lightning strikes Eddie, and his wiring goes haywire. What a shocking surprise. Eddie starts thinking differently, becomes obsessed with some encrypted file that doesn't exist, and on the next mission, goes insane and disobeys orders. When the three crewmembers try and stop him, everything "exciting" (see: Predictable) happens. Henry tries to take down Eddie, but instead crashes into a mountain. And while Kara is flying through that, debris catches her plane and eventually, her wing rips off, forcing her to eject and land.... in none other than North Korea. How delightfully convienent for more explosive action sequences!

Ben then is instructed to bring back the insane war mongering robot plane, which results in the explosion of a fuel blimp in one of the most gag-enducing scenes in the movie since the beginning of time. Shortly after, Eddie and Ben engage in a dogfight with two Russian fighter planes, and shoot them down. That's the last we hear about the Russians. I suppose The Russian government doesn't mind two unannounced American jets shooting down their fighter jets in Russian No-Fly Zones?

As if this movie wasn't bad enough, director Rob Cohen pushes a romance subplot in the middle of this. Ben, the chauvinist, 'loves' Kara, the good girl. And of course, she's willing to risk it all for him. Excuse me while I gag again, but that just seems too Pearl Harbour for my tastes.

I won't ruin the entire movie and tell you how it ends, but 10/1 odds you could guess without ever watching it and you would probably be right. There's more plotholes, such as why a robot plane would need music, why nobody has to face the consequences of blowing up buildings, or attacking North Korea AND Russia without explanation.

The special effects in Stealth are decent. But they are used in such cliche ways it makes it unbearable to watch. And the amount of handheld camera shots make the attempt at suspence and discomfort seem like a mockery. It also completely ruins one fight scene, where the camera shakes and pans so much the viewer can't see what's going on at all.

It seems like Rob Cohen has ran out of creative juice since The Skulls in 2000. Since then he's thrown out mindless action flicks, and Stealth is no exception. All in all, any attempt at a moral point is lost in the weak characters, terrible plot, and numerous holes. If you like feeling your IQ drop during the course of the movie, then by all means see this immediately. Otherwise, you'd get more intellectual stimulation from watching the Red Shirts die in Star Trek: TOS.

-Mark