Okay, I'm not a fan of Microsoft's immeasureable evil and plague of shitty products that infect the internet and our operating systems, slowly destroying our morals, souls, and anything else that Microsoft can take from us and exploit, all the while making backdoor deals to keep us in endless pain when we operate our computers. That's the baseline that we're starting on, people. I have done many things to make my shitty OS (Windows ME, which took me 2 years to get working with minimal kinks) work well, and it's still bitchy from time to time, thanks mainly to Microsoft hating the patches and fixes other people make because they're tired of dealing with the Blue Screen of Death 400 times a day.
I've wanted to boycott Microsoft shit many times, but unfortunately I can't negate myself to 5% of the computer world, so I choose to hate (outspokenly) certain products that blow incomprehenseable chunks. Like Internet Explorer, which I ditched almost in its entirety for Firefox when IE stopped loading buttons, links, and took 400 hours to download anything, when it decided it was going to download shit, or load Quicktime, or basically even load my fucking homepage. I've dealt with everything that can go wrong in that shitty ass program, like the about:blank error, endless virus attacks, and IE's crack addiction that nearly spread to my RAM. Turns out my motherboard was the dealer. Anyway, I digress. The point was, I stopped using IE for Firefox.
However, I'm binded by the horrors that is MSN Messenger. I'd use AIM (I have AIM, but I'm not on it frequently) instead, but switching from Microsoft to AOL is like slicing your wrists with a knife instead of a razorblade. It hurts, and it's a slow bleed that you can't stop. Also, the thought of slicing my wrists makes we want to pass out, so let's move on. I also have Yahoo IM, but fuck that shit. I might as well just reload ICQ on my computer and talk to absolutely nobody, because nobody uses useless shit programs that nobody else is ever on. It pains me to say this, but sadly, MSN Messenger is the best chatting program out there as of right now. But that's like finding a penny in a pile of horseshit after searching for hours - it's not something you go and tell your friends about.
Well, as I eventually get to my point, I was using MSN 7.0.0777, whatever the fuck that version that is. There's a new one out, 7.0.0813 and 7.0.0816, which after much procrastinating, I finally decided to take a stab at. I'd patched 0777 to my liking, which meant MSN Messenger without any trace of MSN. Well, it updated..... kind of. After telling me I needed IE 6.0, which I already had (solely for the purpose of having 0777), I tried running some other patches and programs to get around the fact that Microsoft apparently refuses to recognize it's own sister programs on the same computer. I got a "we've added all our useless shit you'll never use" updated 7.0.0813, and I promptly tried to patch it. However, the patch I was using was meant for 7.0.0816, so I either had to live with the useless added shit 7.0.0813 or find 0816, which I set off to do. I found 0816 on MSN.com (link removed because I hate Microsoft and would never encourage anyone to go there), and Dled it. Tried to install it and got a nice "You can't do that because you Don't have IE 6.0" message. This seemed to be more persistant than the other, so I decided I'd simply return to 0777 and live with the patch I had that I knew worked. After all, I wasn't having any problems with it.
WELL, Microsoft then apparently turned it's hate on itself, giving me the "You can't do that because you Don't have IE 6.0" message, even though I'd already used 0777 on my computer, as recently as 5 minutes before trying to update. Well I then made the mistake of uninstalling MSN altogether and trying to start over. No dice, same message. So I decided to try and update to 6.0........again. That didn't take either.
By now, my blood had risen a few degrees in temperature. I had experienced Microsoft pointlessly not updating it's own products and demanding to update to them endlessly, but I got pissed and COMPLETELY DELETED INTERNET EXPLORER. This was a small moral victory for me, as I was not sad to see it leave my computer. However, it was short lived as I need MSN to contact all my people (I don't own a cell phone, because I also hate phones.... but soon I will be forced to own one, if I ever want to escape this place and live free), etc etc etc. So I tried getting 6.0 from scratch. No dice. 400 restarts later, I once again DELETED INTERNET EXPLORER. (It feels so good to write that). After pissing around, exchanging punches with my keyboard (which I'm surprised is still working.... I beat on this mother like nothing else, and it just keeps working. Gotta love it), this is how I got back to where I fucking started:
1: Tried installing an old messenger version (6.2)
2: That took, but then it turns out Microsoft doesn't want people using their products to actually get anywhere, so they wouldn't let me sign in without updating.
3: Deleted MSN 6.2
4: Found an old version of IE (5.5)
5: Installed IE 5.5
6: Attempted to update to 6.0, which for some reason actually happened this time.
7: Downloaded 7.0.0777, and installed it.
8: Saw all the useless shit, ran messpatch and cleaned it up.
That took about 15 minutes. All in all, I wasted about an hour and a half getting absolutely fucking nowhere. So after all my annoyances with MSN, it seems it has bested me until I lose my mind and firebomb MSN corporate offices (see: Newspaper headline August 2006: Crazed University Student Frees Humanity from Microsoft's Oppression, Gets 4 hookers to celebrate), but I have since decided this:
I'm never updating microsoft products again until I ABSOLUTELY have to (eg: It stops working because it's too old (a la 6.2)), or until I get a new computer. Which will never happen, because I love Sexlexia, even though it's an abusive relationship.
In summation: Microsoft blows, send them letters filled with locusts or semen or something else unpleasant.
-Mark
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